If i could turn back the hands of time

2006-04-03T11:07:00.000-07:00

maybe one day when i leave the world,it wun be sudden to all.
well,im nt emo.lol.im saying all these bcos i have gt alot of illness.
i vomitted today.AGAIN.
2 years back,i vomit every single day.one very day.i vomit blood.im not kiddin.lol.i went to hospital.that very year i gt 3 letters from different doc to defer me to hospital.i didnt go.
3 years ago,i gt a defer letter for my migraine.i have headache since i was abt 6 year old.i remember xy once call me a hero cos im able to bear with the pain.indeed i can carry a very normal conversation with eleine.it is obvious that im having migraine at that very moment cos she told me."i can tell."the doctor asked me ytd"how do u control yr migraine?"i replied"eh..*feeling abit weird* im used to it.i jus endure."
im often down with flu.nearly went to a specialise.gt a defer letter too.but i dun see the need to.
the next illness will be fever.not very serious compare to those above.high fever once only.
another funny thing about me is i tear VERY often.when i yawn-which i can yawn up to abt 40 times a day.i always ask ppl ard me for tissue in class bcos i used up mine!i like to act like im crying then they will go.."why u cry?"LOL.i gt potential for acting.
when i was 12 years old..tt very year.whatever i do,i sprain,dislocate or anythin.
i dislocate both my arm.once when i was playing inline skating and once after 12am when i went to answer a fone call and for this call,nt only i dislocated my arm,i sprain my neck.i gt first in national netball.during practice,i sprain both my ankle for more than 5 times.all these injuries happened IN A YEAR.i remembered my form teacher joke and asked me"wow,u hurt every part of yr body except yr head.so when will it be then?"cool..bt luckily im nt able to do those creepy sound olivia can.
these few days,im down with fever and sore throat.i played mah jong.olivia and xy dun wanna play with me cos they said that im sick.but the thing is.yes im sick but i dun feel sick.lol.im too used to it.xy even ignore me bcos i dun wanna go slp when it was only 2am.i told her "everyday i slpt at 6-7am.how can u expect me to be slpy?"i started talking to her abt food,it slipped her mind for 1 second that she was ignoring me and she asked me for that brand and so on.i know im sick and sick ppl are supposed to slp early but nt me i guess.lol.i even played 8 hrs of mj marathon.hehe.seriously,i know that all of them all care ALOT about me!though eleine encouraged me to eat fries when the doctor listed out a list tt i shld nt and fries was in tt very list.LOL!

2006-03-25T08:31:00.000-08:00

am gg to be year 2 soon.

when sch reopen,im gg to be in 2nd year.i finished 1/3 of my poly life.gg to be 18 soon.haha.this sem my results are really poor.well,i will try to work harder.*i haven told my mum abt my results yet.lol.cos she is expecting far too much from me.haha.
how i wish tt hols are longer!i nv like sch since pri sch.i hate sch.haha.but no choice.i cant be like Sammi.thot she is only has a N cert but her pay is much higher den a poly student.I reallly think that she is amazing. :) Sammi and pauline are both hairstylist.im nth.haha.im nt emo.jus that they gt the skill u see and i gt none but i cut gary's(my bf) hair okay!and everyone said that he look BETTER!haha...i hope my diploma will be useful.

2006-03-19T02:07:00.000-08:00

Time flies

Xinya's bday is coming up.I remember i gt to know her ard tt time.We went to club to celebrate her bday.Its fun watching her dance.IT IS VERY INTERESTING.Time really flies.I know ROXY for a year alrdy.haha..i remember i know olivia on 4 MAY.haha..nice date yeah?Very often,i will recall wad we did tgt.It is really fun.Knowing eleine was really fate.Well,of cos i nv forget abt Zhi Yong and gilbert.We enjoyed dancing tgt.Thou they always talk,didnt even know wad they were doing.Haha..and we always ate at the FC after dancing.We will always tease ZY abt "Auntie,dun wan leaves pls."Hahaha..I remember how godly xinya is in my eyes.haha..She is a daring person.Im amaze by olivia too!haha..*you know why.Eleine and i have alot of things in common.Life is so interesing with friends like all of ya.THANKS!

2006-03-07T09:32:00.000-08:00

relationship

well,i guess relationships are like building sandcastle on the beach.taking the risk tat the wave that wash the shore might ruin everything but the two of them enjoy the process of building it.if the wave didnt ruin it maybe a someone might have step on it.(3rd party)
Well,some relationship are strong.the wave cant ruin it,no one will step on it so they will let the castle has a harden shape over it.(marrying)however,as time goes by,u realise that the sand is getting lesser(fading of feelings).wad's left is the harden shell.Irony.

2006-03-02T07:46:00.000-08:00

Life isn't fair at all

Imagine your mum,has money for yr cousin to go University but not for you.Bought hp,lappy,Gucci wallet,diamond pendant or anything for yr sisters but not even a MP3 that cost only 300 bucks.And she will always say that"what have i not given anything to u when u asked for?"LOL.great one.If she want,i can list down damn lot.Birthday pressie for 21?or for 18?ha.IN MY DREAMS!She gave my sis like 1 diamond pendant EVERY YEAR and she gave me 50 bucks every year.cool.and for my sis's 21st pressie?money and pressie which cost ard 1k?ha.earn money for my U,earn money for the stuff i want right.fine.be it anything.if the worst arise,i just don't go university lo.big deal.seriously,i have gt nth from her.not any fone.not anything.oh ok.one discman when i was like 12?tt's all.i know it is a very stupid post.be it.

2006-02-14T22:53:00.000-08:00

Forgetful..
most of my frens know that im damn forgetful.Im serious okay!Dun laught at me..well,here it goes..
Remember the days when we were in secondary sch,when we forget to do homework or bring any textbook,our teachers will scold us and said "Since u are so forgetful,will u forget to eat then!"I guess,it is a curse for me.I do forget about eating.There were a few times when i reached home,and xinya that monster will tell me about her hunger for food or she is eating,den i thinked back and i will be angry and tell her that today i only ate 1 meal.im angry bcos i forget all abt it.anw,i gt amazing stomach too.i can dun eat for 1 whole day without feeling hungry.but i know that someone is controlling me.(control freak is being controlled)Whenever i forget,that control freak will ask me.haha...Simple things like doing mask i will forget too.hahah...luckily i gt xinya the monster to remind me.My memory space may be full,but i still have theirs to remind me.hahaha...This is wad frens are for right?Thanks=Love love.For xinya right,when anyone wanna thanks her jus say"next time i treat u eat..."can alrdy!xinya,i will live longer right?hahahahah...

2006-02-07T05:12:00.000-08:00

Looking alike... Zacky

I dun know if u guys noticed,i realised that ppl who has a dog,look like dog.Hahaha...im sorry if some of you feel insulted,but im actually complimenting you.I mean dogs are cute wad.I love them.A good example is above.Dog=Besie Tan.Girl=Eleine Tan. Take out the common term
Tan(Besie=Eleine).hahha...even she admit it herself okay.I know for one thing eleine tan will comment on is this picture that i uploaded.But,eleine,that was the only one xy sent me.Blamed her alright.I have a dog too.i dun look like her,but i can sound like her.hahah...it's like all my secondary schmates and polymates told me that.One very weird example is my polymate,Kai Long.He has a maltese,zacky and he doesn't look like one at all.He look more like a Bull dog. Eleine suspected that Zacky and Besie are slibings because they are both from aussie and they look alike.haha...i do agree.Not every dog look alike.

**Apologise for being so messy.Putting Zacky before Besie because im too lazy to edit.Hahahahah...

2006-01-23T09:12:00.000-08:00

A Great Deal...10 years later...

10 years later when xinya get married,on the day when they are gg to ROM,if his husband is not a fat ass,i would get Tiffany and Co stuff as by bday present.However if i gt it wrong,im gonna get presents from Perlini Silver or a treat to Ding Tai Fung(so cheapo).
Well,i know that for the sake of our besty fren.i know u guys jus hope that i get Tiffany and Co right.Xinya,i care for ya.okay?
Oh ya,the contact include sth
-Ong xinya,must not force her hubby to gain weight in order to save money for my present.(she agreed)
-Felin Lai also agreed not to matchmake her with Macho Guys if she doesn't have anyone in mind after 10 years.LOL!
You guys are my witnesses.
Im waiting for my Tiffany and Co.I am VERY confident that i WILL GET IT!HAHA!

2006-01-23T07:06:00.000-08:00

i'm back

Well,im back.haha.i haven been updating my blog for some time.It has been some time since i do mask too.kinda miss the days when xinya keep asking/reminding/pestering me to do mask.haha..CNY is ard the corner and i only bought like a few new stuff.EMO!!but then again,it is a very different CNY compared to the times when we were really young.*im still young*My super mean classmate was asking ard if we have bought our NY clothes,and i said no.To response,he said,"Everyday is new year to you wad!"LOL
im waiting for new year to arrive.i wan mah jong!i wan ANG BAO!!!!!I LOVE HOLS!

2005-12-31T11:04:00.000-08:00

2006,the year that i've been waiting for...

YEAH!im gonna be 18 yr old in 5 months and 3 days time.It is a rather confusing year.I have been waiting for this year like even since i was 12?But then again.i jus hope to be 17 bcos 18 sound so old.But i shall look on the brighter side.
Being 18....
i can go clubs with my OWN ic.
i can bet on THIS year world cup.
i can learn driving.
i can do alot and alot of stuff.
SUPER cool year.

2005 was a wonderful year as well.im glad that i got to know the girls.jus that my luck was slightly poor during playing mah jong lar.lol.jus flash!1 year is gone.regrets and everything,i shall think about it when im free.haha.

ENJOY!!!!2006!IT's GONNA BE A GOOD YEAR!

2005-12-30T08:30:00.000-08:00

Shld i?
i have been doing something very stupid for the whole day.i have been looking at M1's webby for the whole day.Im thinking of changing a new fone.

Yeps,it is the one in the middle.Pretty isn't it?The first one on the left look too common.The last one is the most expensive and has gt the best look but i think that it is super user unfriendly.The ppl ard me are all using V3 now.Both my sis gt their pink V3 and my fren zhi hao,wei ning gt black.OMG,my sis wanna get me black V3 for Xmas present.lol.i rejected.But im not sure if i should buy this...hmm,my sis and gary think that it is not nice.Hard decision.LOL.will think abt it again.

2005-12-29T00:15:00.000-08:00

Goodness!

Exams are ard the corner but i haven even started studying!I celebrated Xmas for 4 days.Clubbing,Singing,Shopping,Watched movie.I feel kinda guilty bcos i haven started and everytime when i tell myself,"today,im gg to study."Then again,i did not.I still remember last Sem,i did not meet Eleine and acc for one whole week bcos i was studying.Actually it was like what it is happening.I only studied for like 2 days but due to feeling of guilty,i stayed at home to rot.
For now,i looking forward to 31 Dec and 1 Jan.COUNTDOWN!!!On 1 Jan im gg to my brother(eric)'s wedding dinner.I hope that the school jus end NOW!

2005-12-08T08:01:00.000-08:00

Does it happen to you too?

my mum is a werido.whenever i say something like"wow,mummy,i like to eat broccoli."Then,on the next few days,i will see broccoli about 3 out of 5 days.then i will go...OMG,broccoli AGAIN!This is just an example.it happened on the same things for beancurb,apple juices,oranges and even fruits.If i were to say,"the grapes taste great",next few days,there will be grapes filling up my fidge.LOL.i love her but she's just weird.hahah.

2005-12-05T04:49:00.000-08:00

Famous

Yes,i do admitted that i was the one who started the PIE PIE.but Olivia was the one forming pieces of story.lol.
eleine-Macho pie
xinya-Cutie pie(which everyone of us knows abt it LONG AGO)
olivia-Pretty pie(she name it herself)
lastly...me-sweetie pie.(was forced) wanted to be the pies' manager.shake leg earn commission.(remind me of xy asking olive to work and xy getting parts of her money.)

i suggested pretty and cutie singing duet as they always do that while playing mah jong.
eleine will do the macho man and me?acting feminine.again,by olivia.
i suggested eleine spraying bronze colour on her skin so that she will really look like macho man and cutie will have to put lot of foundation to show that she is very fair.

imagine...if ever there is a day,u saw this kind of group,will u support?by thinking of it,makes me wanna LOL.and i did.if u do,u can reply and tell me.i will try my best to form this very weird group then.wahahhaah...

Olivia commented lastly that the PIEs will be more famous than Twins.wahahahah.how cool!!!!!

2005-11-29T20:59:00.000-08:00

Project Runway
every monday,10pm,i will be watching Project Runway on channel 5.
every single week,the contestants will have to design and even sew the dress out within 2-4 days.i like Heidi klum.she is very charming.
actually,it is jus like any competition.everyone will try means and ways to win.i remember there is a scene where one of them lost his bottle of dye and he started to scream at others and suspect that the other contestant took his bottle of dye.well,they do talk behide others.on the other hand,they try their best to act as if they like each other very much.however,there is once when they have their say on who should be out of the competition,Wendy suggested that Austin should be out.Which is kind of shocking because Austin is always so nice to Wendy.Wendy is a oldest contestant(39 years old) and she feel that this is her ONLY chance of being famous as a designer.that is what i dislike about her.she always act like a mother to them.caring for them,on the other hand,she is actually trying her best to find out what weakness they have so that she can use them to win the competition.i think that our life is just like that,there are always ppl who will go all out,means and ways to get what they wanted even if it would hurt others.i guess Wendy is jus an example of some of us.trying to be nice but actually using what she knows to hurt others.
when the judges asked Vanessa who shld be out,Vanessa suggested herself because she is among them,the one dress maker because she cant sew.true enough,vanessa was kicked out due to the reason that,in the world of design,u are suppose to persuade others to like yr design instead,she did the other way round.so simpe yet she didnt get it.Vanessa would belong to the kind of ppl who has no confidence.
Mario is also one contestant that we often see in our sch.the one that will do jus enough and not willing to do his best.eveyone was trying their best to make the best dress that they could but Mario make a skirt with some drops of dye on it and he went back to the hotel.for that round,he was out.the judges said,no effort was made.which i truely agreed.
Oh ya Alexandra,she is one that if u jus watch the show for once,i bet u wouldnt notice her.she is pretty but she is someone who is so sweet and nice.u must be wondering if it is so,y would yr notice her right?she is one that u wun hate her cos every single week,her design is so safe.it is nice,but nt very outstanding.further more,if u ask me,i would say that ppl who are evil and mean tend to get ppl attention rather than those who are nice to everyone.maybe it kinda reveal that when one is nice,one cant be the first?lol.i dunno abt that.
Jay,the winner.he won.actually i excepted Kara to win.lol.but if u ask me,i think i like Nora the most.the punk.lol.Singapore is soooo slow man.the winner is out yet we are still at the episode 5.the next challenage is Swimsuit.cool! lots of bums and boobs to be seen.

blogskin

2005-11-29T06:16:00.000-08:00

finally,i found myself a blogskin.took me abt 20 mins to change the setting and link u guys up.im glad im studying java so it kinda save my time wondering what is this and tt.but then again.i think i deleted some code which im too lazy to get it back.lol.so my blog look kinda weird without the bar which link me to blogspot's home page.lols.1st attempt,not tt bad i guess.

5th Week.

2005-11-28T07:16:00.000-08:00

15-5-2=8.
no.
im nt doin math.
not so simple.
emo.
there is 8 MORE weeks to go.
gary said that im a emo kid.
i agreed.
Thru the game maplestory,i find out sth abt myself.
i dun like to fight with others.
im lookin forward for xmas.
i want hols.
one of my classmate will always said,"wow,just like that,the day ended.it gonna be tue tml."
however,i think otherwise."y is it only monday?"
worst."y is it jus week 5?"
im starting to fear for my future.
i rmb the days when i was in secondary sch.
my teacherS told me that i shld nt take my O lvl bcos i go to sch for 2-4 days a week.
i nv completed any week then.
as for nw,not as bad.i do skip sch at times.but i did try my best.
my fear.
what if i behave this way in my working days?
i cant continue this way.
i dun want.
i nv understand ppl who love sch.never.
i need things to attract me to sch.
i have gt nth.

emo.

2005-11-24T07:44:00.000-08:00

Im kinda emo.
For this sem,all the modules are like alien's language.
I hope that this sem end soon.
im lookin forward for hols.
Xmas..
New Year..
CNY...
I jus dislike sch sooo much.
For my whole life.i nv like sch.NV.
I was kinda shock to hear from my sec sch mates quitting sch soon.
I hated sch but nv really think much abt quitting.
Im jealous.I regretted.
Im nt able to do a Course that i like.
If only i work harder for O lvl.
However,i dont even know what im interested in.
So,may be it doesnt matter at all.
Im left with abt 10 weeks.
All the projects,quizzes,lab test and exam are pouring on me very soon.
very.

No one remember how i look like...

2005-11-13T05:47:00.000-08:00

Been some time since i updated my blog.well,olivia,im back.

I remembered when i was in Secondary sch,almost all my Primary sch frens doesnt recognise me until i told them my name.sadly to say,i used to be a super ah lian which everyone remember.. :( Last year,even my Primary sch form teacher said this to me when she see me,"finally u are here.i still remember how naughty u were."I didn't think much about how weird it is for ppl for being able to recognise me.

When i was in Sec 3,ALL the teachers that taught me before will tell me ,"qiuling,do u know that u have changes a lot?"i supposed they are talking about my character at that very moment until one teacher who tell me "u used to look so tired and sleepy.u look better now." At that point of time,i dun really know in what way i have changes cos of all the 4 years,i skip 3 years of taking the class photos.

Now that im in poly,the same old things jus keep happening again and AGAIN. I went to the class chalet for Secondary sch. No one recognise me AGAIN.They looked at me and stoned for a moment.They shouted"OH,u are qiuling!",followed by some sound "wah,u changes alot.i didnt know that it was u."

There are afew times when i was on the streets,i saw my seniors,juniors or simply anyone who used to know me.The response is always the same.
1st. i will have to either call out their names or tap them.
2nd. say hi.
3rd. they will look at me as they are in deep thots.
4th.i will have to say im qiuling.from twss/cps/yr cousin or so on.
5th.A they will go."OH....u have changes.i really dun recognise u!"
5th.B they will double confirm and go,u sure?i rmb once when i was with eleine,my senior go"u sure?"den i say"no,actually im her sis."of cos he didnt believed me.it took him like 1 min to believe?

The most recent case.my bf classmates go "WOW,WOW,WOW."den gary look at him and asked"wow what?" den tt classmate goes"gt girls nv intro arh."gary said"that is my gf."well,that guy was shocked.not only him.a few.from what i heard from gary,his frens told him these...
-she used to look stupid.cos she wore spec.
-they all agreed and say that i look better.

some of ya have seen my photos when i was young.i know it doesnt look like me at all.after all these,i gt some thots.maybe im able to mould my features.sometime,i feel like im a stranger on Earth who doesnt know anyone and go ard asking and saying.."hmm,u are from....?" den they will ya! lol.i guess one day even eleine,xy or olive will forget me. den i have to go..."are u tt monster eating 2 plates of chicken rice,ice cream,bean curb and a drink in a meal?" or "are u the big blossom girl?" or may be even "are u the one who i asked u to SHH when yr handphone rang when i was sleeping?"if the 3 of you can know which is which,i guess that will be how i will make u rememeber me when i meet ya some day..LOL

Ladies Nights

2005-10-14T00:21:00.000-07:00

i enjoyed myself during these nights.
the first night was party time.
-dancing was nice.
-xy is so active.
-eleine is so sexy.
-oliva is so lady-like.
-the place is nice.
-i enjoyed myself in that place.
-cool!

the second night was bbq time.
-everyone was so dirty.
-we went for swimming.
-chasing ard is fun.
-we are so happy!
-couldnt sleep bcos of all the ghost story.
-xy is the most timid
-eleine is the bravest
-you girls stop complaining about my pooh bears and company.

the funny stuff
-eleine sleeping position(rip)
-joan of arc said that she is a cutie pie
-olive sleeping position(what she called eleine)*animal
-how the 3 girls wear when they are coming over to the *chalet*.
-someone shorts has a hole.* wink

i really enjoyed myself.i hope we can do this most often but i guess the very next time will have to be the next sem.LOL..hope ya enjoyed the 3 days.miss ya~i know i will cya soon. LOL

Try this!

2005-10-04T23:35:00.000-07:00

***How You Life Your Life***
You are honest and direct. You tell it like it is.You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences.You tend to always dream of things within reach - and you usually get them.
How Do You Live Your Life?http://www.blogthings.com/howdoyouliveyourlifequiz/
i really feel that this is quite true.ya can give it a try.i know i really care far too much abt how others think abt me.but i know i dun only has a best fren.i have more than that!lol.im a person who don't dare to dream things that are within my hands.i do agree that i tend to get what i dream of! : )
***Your World View***
You are a fairly broadminded romantic and reasonably content. You value kindness and try to live by your ideals. You have strong need for security, which may be either emotional or material.
You respect truth and are flexible. You like people, and they can readily make friends with you. You are not very adventurous, but this does not bother you.
What Is Your World View?http://www.blogthings.com/whatisyourworldviewquiz/
who does like people?lol..i do respect truth and i guess at times im flexible.
***Your Career Type: Social***
You are helpful, friendly, and trustworthy.Your talents lie in teaching, nursing, giving information, and solving social problems.
You would make an excellent:
Counselor - Dental Hygienist - LibrarianNurse - Parole Officer - Personal TrainerPhysical Therapist - Social Worker - Teacher
The worst career options for your are realistic careers, like truck driver or farmer.
What's Your Ideal Career?http://www.blogthings.com/idealcareerquiz/
who wanna be a farmer?chirpy?lol..
***You Are Chinese Food***
Exotic yet ordinary.People think they've had enough of you, but they're back for more in an hour.
What Kind of Food Are You?http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindoffoodareyouquiz/
is it true?lol..there is alot more.interesting!
***The Keys to Your Heart***
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.
You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage pessimistically. You don't think happy marriages exist anymore.
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.
What Are The Keys To Your Heart?http://www.blogthings.com/keystoyourheartquiz/

Chasing

2005-09-23T11:11:00.000-07:00

In life,just what do we want?money?job?friends?family?well,if i were to list it down,it will take me years~.LOL..alright,i shall continue.i feel that in life,everything will be linked to money.have ya ever asked yourself why ya are working so hard in school?well,it is bcos if u can grad,u can get a good job and this mean to earn alot of money.everyone is working hard to lead a good life in futher.which mean to earn alot of money and enjoy our life.isn't it?everyone is earning money in their own ways.trying to lead a good life.is that every's aim in life?if not,why are ya trying so hard?
we study for the sake for cert.for that peice of paper,we can get higher pay.the more "paper" u own,the pay ya gg to get will be higher.is it?i never believe that a nun or monk will not want something(materials need).i mean,they need food too.desire for clothes,nice shose,nice room,nice temple and so on.the desire is in us.
i dun know the reason why i write these but suddenly im feeling that life is kinda meaningless.all we want is that "good life".that piece of "paper".actually money is what everyone want.

New~

2005-09-14T09:53:00.000-07:00

Well,these few weeks i suddenly realised how weird i used to be.LOL..Dun get the wrong idea ya?i mean normally i dun put on make up,i didnt use anything except facial cleansing foam.I mean when i was in secondary sch,i saw my sis gt herself a lot of things.I didnt know what it was.The effort wasn't there.I nv show much interest too.Well,i was telling the girls.There is a limits to a woman's beauty.That is from 18-28,these 10 years are supper important to us.Imagine..u are 35 years old..u wanted to follow the tend and stay young,what will others think about you?"Wow...a pretty woman?" Nah.dun lie to yourself.There may be some ppl ard me thinking that a woman look best without make up,but i dun think so.I mean if it is true,y are billion of us doing so?Sometimes when opinion tends to side far too much to a side,it turn out to be a fact.I mean who doesnt wanna be pretty?Well,i do admit that i used to hate wearing make-up.However,if it can make me look better,why nt?I wanna slim down too.I may be sick in my mind but if i can look better,why not?I wanna try out.I want a change in me.I dun wanna regret when i were looking back.."why didnt i do this to look better then?"Ppl always said that "There is no ugly woman,there is only lazy woman."Well,im glad that god didnt make me look like a monster so im safe somehow.I shouldnt waste my youth right?I wanna live life to the fullest.Which woman would say that "i wanna look as ugly as possible?"At least not me.Of cos i wont make myself look like Ru Hua or wad so ever.I do admit that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder",i wont say that i will change and make everyone feel that i look better or so.At least i think i will feel that i look better.Im a person who has no confidence in anything.I used to think about how ugly i looked.So,im excited.I have decided that i wanna go shop for new clothes this coming holidays."Can't wait!!!!!!!"LOL!

Thanks for everything...

2005-08-30T07:03:00.000-07:00

Well,i don't know if he will be reading this.But,jus wanna blog it out.LOL..im so useless.tears are dropping down now.I wanna thanks him for gg thru 401 days of my life.I used to change the number of days we are tgt in my hp.For now,the hand of time has pause and stop at 401th.For the name,it is unchange.
If i were to turn back the hands of time,i know that i will still make the same decision on the very first day.He love me,i love him too.Today,when i was staring into space while my frens are playing pool,i had a flash back.Well,here i am crying again.I remember the day when i meet him.i remembered the days we went out.I remembered the days we were enjoying.I remembered the day we went swimming.I remembered the day we went swimming.I remembered the we went to watch concert.I open up the box he gave me on Valentine's day.I saw all the movie tickets.I remembered i've done a photo album abt us which is a gift for our 1st anniversary.It's still with me.I dare nt open up the album cos i feel the ache.
I remembered what we have done,i remembered what we want to do.We wanted to play pool tgt.We wanted to go oversea tgt.We wanted to go swimming again.He promised to go to Zoo with me.We wanted to go clubbling tgt.We wanted...Well,we wanted...
I closed my eyes,i remembered all the nick he gave me.I remembered all i gave him too.I remembered our book with is with me.But i dun have the courage to read it.im soo useless.I wanna stop crying yet i cry harder.I remembered playing games tgt.I remember....
He IS the best guy i ever meet.The guy that i love so deep.That guy that make me believes in love.That guy that been thru impt days of my life.He is the guy that dote on me the most.He is the only guy that i believe he would never lie to me.He was the only one that know that im lying.He was the one that know my feeling no matter how hard i tried to hide.He was the one..He was...
We started the relationship online.We ended the relationship online.
A relationship is just like flying a kite.You need to know when to loosen,you need to know when to tighten.If the string were to get tangled,u will have to cut the string away and let it go.
I didnt want our love to turn ugly.So,i choose to cut it off.I still love him...Very deeply.Called me stupid!When i was on my way home,i still hope that he would stand outside my lift and wait there.Whenever my hp vibrate,i hope that he is the one.I'm still pestering him.Msg him like "How are you?".He is right in the way he reply.short and clear.Wakes me up from all the stupid thot i hold.Thanks for everything u contributed to my life.I don't know if he will have the chance to read this cos i only gave him the website once.I feel the heartache when he changes his msn nick.It's telling me how fast i can disappear in his life.I wouldn't ask him to come back to me,as i know how deeply i hurt him.I cant be so selfish.I'm glad that he still reply my msges but i tell myself not to interupt his life anymore.
Everything im doing leads my thot to him.I still have 78 of his msges in my hp.I still have 20 of his pictures in my hp.
I wanna thanks him for bearing with me for 401th days.I wanna thanks him for how he dots on me.I wanna thanks him for all the love he showered on me.I wanna thanks him for all the gift he gave me.I wanna thanks him for all the sweet memories he gave me.I wanna thanks him for my selfishness.I wanna thanks him for everything single thing.
I thot of what im going to do on the next 24th,but i have no idea.I had a stupid thot.I wanted to ask him out but i know it is impossible.I thot of that im no longer the person who can ask him to slp early.Im no longer the person who can care for him.Im no longer the person who can shower him with love.Im no longer the person who can laugh with him.Im no longer the person who can share his problem.Im no longer....
Im not the victim.He is...Im sorry.He was my everything..He still is...Im a cry baby!I wouldnt dare to ask him back cos i dun wanna bring him anymore pain.i dun wanna hurt him.I will just stand aside and look at him afar.i wouldnt mind.Even looking at his nick in msn make me happy.Im nt lying.
To me,he IS the best.Thanks for everything.

Guys~

2005-08-15T07:44:00.000-07:00

An email i send to eleine,xinya,olive...

Today when i was in sch,i saw a guy..He is super fat!About 200kg,1.8m.Can u imagine how big?at that very moment,cai cai's name flash thru my mind.So i follow the guy n took a few of his photo.LOL...the next moment,i called xinya n tell her about it!Wahahha....im nice right?It is bcos i know xinya's taste so im able to help her!Well,not to mention that those she interested in are "easily seen".So,eleine n Olivia,tell me which type yr gg for.i will try to help!Wahahhahaha...xinya,dun hate me!LOL

End...

LOL,dun b shocked!it is true the 41 kg caicai really has a fetish for big fat guys~! When i first realised those guys she fallen with,i thought it was coincidence.Then she admit that she like FAT GUYS.What i expect for the worst was slightly horizonally challenge guys but it turn out to be those guys with big stomach.AS BIG AS WATERMELON.She cant help but to stare,and stare,and stare AND STARE at them.She is someone who can shout til u faint!I guess Fat and Big guys does suits her afterall.LOL...
Eleine like rich guys..But who doesnt?LOL...im jus kiddin ya..Well,she hasnt found that very type which will make her settle down.
Olivia likes guys with black hair and wear spec!LOL!GEEK!Well,come to think of it,DONG seems to suit ya.Hmm..She fal in love every now and then.If u know how to play guitar,sing abit,dress alright,well of cos that impt thing black hair and wear spec, u can try yr luck!Oh ya she replied my email with

Her reply...

felin is mean! hahah okay basically, if that person is a guy, den i like him hahahahha im not cheap, im just easy going. hahahah

End~

i swear that i didnt change anything.not even a word!LOL...She is easy-going.So,if u think u can do all these,try to comment on my blog i will let her know!Oh...another thing...She kinda change her taste as she changes her mood.So,i dun know if u will still be those guys she is interested in.LOL..But again..She is easy-going.LOL...

My frens are weird,but im proud of them!LOL..im proud to have Gary chia too!Wahahahha...i guess im the most normal among them..So,peeps if ya think that im weird,i will show ya the weirdo!LOL....
Oh ya,due to some reason,i thinking a business that help yr to look for guys.So it like i will stalk that guys that suit ya and took some pictures of them.If ya think that ya love it,i will start by trying to give them ya fone no. .Wahahaha...OMG,im gg to be sooo busy.Even Audrey wan a guy now!LOL...Oh...so peep,write the type which u are gg for and i will try to help!LOL!!!

First time~

2005-08-14T07:37:00.000-07:00

Day 386th..Today i woke up to help Mr Gary Chia cut hair!LOL...this is my very first time helping someone to cut hair.i must admit that i know nothing about how to cut hair thou both my sis n parents are hair stylist!Wahahah...Dun ask me y i dun wanna learn!LOL...Hmmm...i was actually very touched.i mean he is really a real bf.Who in the world will trust u sooo much?lol...nobody but him.
When i started cutting.."Hey,do u know how to cut?","why u cut in this way?" and sooo on...he keep talking non-stop.LOL..i guess he was sooo scare...Well,if yr have the change,take a good look ya?i must say that im a genius!wahahhaha...it turn out sooo nice man!Even his sis also said that it look BETTER!wahahahah....Well,he love it too!
Thanks Honey...I enjoyed my day~!

A important someone in my life..

2005-07-25T11:15:00.000-07:00

Well,he is someone who dotes on me,love me,care about me and so on.He is no body but my boyfriend!Gary Chia Jin Ting!We started our relationship on 24 July 2004..We just spent our first anniversary tgt.He is the first boyfriend who i had been tgt for soo long...I really love him..We had alot of sweet memories tgt.We went to NDP on 2004.I hope to go this year too!LOL!He is cute,funny n loving.He makes me feel that with him by my side,everything seems sooo beautiful..We been thru O level.I mean those days were tough.We cant meet up often.However,unlike some guys,he stay beside me n encourage me to study..Pss..He even help me with my arts.LOL!He is a nice guy right?I remembered that very day on valentine (2005),he said that he will love me and nop one else...i was sooo touched!oh Ya,when he gave me his present that time i cried.On 24 july 2005,When he gave me present,i cried again!im a crybaby infront of him!I said to him that "i make sure that you will cry when i give u present.."i mean on 24 july 2005...sad to say...he didnt cry...it turn out to be that im the one crying...im such a loser...Then,he started trying to cry...wahahah..he is cute!I enjoy his company no matter where we go...i did a photo album for him...we change...we look sooo different from before...LOL...Now that we are in the same poly..Thou i only run into him a few times,im still soo happy!I always plan the stuff i wanna do with him.There is soo much in my list!!!We did quite alot!But i believe that there is always time for us to do it!Sometimes,i do ask him stupid qns like"dear,will u leave me because of other girl?" Or things like "Do u love me?"LOL...no doubt,he will answer me but he thinks that im a foolish girl!I told him before that"in life,ppl past and go,however,he stayed and accompany me."Thanks Honey!He like to create names for me...And those nicks are sooo ugly!LOL..wild boar,fat fat n so on!i do admit that i enjoy doing the same stuff!Wahahahah...Hippo+gary=gippo!
Thanks to him,because if not for him,i wouldnt be who i am today~!gt lotss to continue but i guess next time~~

frens

2005-07-19T03:39:00.000-07:00

Well,how should i start?In my life,i do admit that i know quite alot of people but not all are consider as friends.I always thought that the best friends i had in secondary are going to last and stay beside me.However,as times passes after 'O' level,everyone was separated.I was kinda depressed over that at that very moment.things like"i thought we promised to hang out tgt?".I kinda don't really feel that we are best friends anymore.What make me felt worst was that i was working with a bunch of aunties.
After a few days,i gt to know a girl eleine.The impression she gave me was that she seem to come from a rich family,cheerful,fun-loving.Of cos,she still is fun-loving.We were working for the same company then.Later,she left that job.However,we still contact each other telling that we miss each other n so on.Till now,i must say..i never regret knowing her.She bought alot of laughter to me.thanks eleine!
After a few months,she introduce me to her primary sch friends.The 5 of us(birdy,eleine,xinya,zhiyong) join a pop dance class tgt.As times goes by,i get to know them more..On my bday celebration,i was introduced to olive..Eleine said"i think it is time for u to meet her."Luckily,we get along quite well...
Olive,Eleine n I are the SP gang...we wanted to join drama club..i guess we all have talent in acting...I enjoy their company..On birdy's bday,we all have a new role..The "Cai" family.
I perfer calling xinya -->cai cai instead of her name...it sound sooo cute n innocent but in actual cai cai is a big monster...She can eat two plates of chicken rice n dessert!Whenever i see her,she gave me the impression that she is a cute n sweet little girl...but when she start talking..i know that she is not as positive as what she looks like...she attracts ah beng,will shout at birdy and zy!LOL...but i must say...she's really cute n pretty.I will always miss her"neh neh neh neh neh!"Oh ya..i still have it in my hp!
Olive is cai ji...ji=chicken!She is really a talent!She is able to scare me and xinya when she act..At times even when i know that she is acting,i will still b taken in...She is a freak!Her bones can produce amazing things that will freak me out!oh ya...and tt very amazing stomach of her.One very funny things about her is that...She is always in love!
What can i say about our beautiful mother?Our mummy is pretty n smart!Eleine is always taking care of us whenever we r tgt.We love teasing her about getting a dad for us.She has great dress sense!She is great at ignoring guys!She can be really hard-hearted at that times.She even has to taught me how to ignore guys!LOL!
Gilbert always tell us how many girls look at him today n so on!LOL...He is a good shu shu!He will help us carry all our bags when we are shopping!He can do amazing stuff too!"He loves to "OH YA!" and hit his stomach freaking loud which none of us are able to do it!At times,he behave like ah beng!Placing his leg on the chair!
For the pretty boy zhi yong,all i remember is "aunty,wanna take off your clothes?"LOL..In chinese!!He wanted to say"aunty wanna sit down?"LOL!He is so pretty!LOL..But he behaves jus like my 8 years old brother!
Well,what can i say about them?They are nice n fun-loving!Thanks for being in my life!LOL...
I guess i shall end here first...continue again next time~

first blog

2005-07-17T02:36:00.000-07:00

this is my very first blog..i told xinya that i wanted to start a blog only after my mid-sem test are over...LOL...but here i am...i don't know how to start now..i guess i will continue it as times goes by~